I talk about the Twilight series (saga :P) far too often for not having read any of the books–well, other than the first few chapters of the first–or having watched the movies–although now I’ve seen the first and the most recent. But I don’t really discuss the books or movies, I make fun of them…or rather, I enjoy reading about others’ reactions and critiques of the books (when it’s funny, it’s called a spork). And then I like to share those indigent and intelligent readers/watchers’ conclusions with my friends and family–who either agree with me (hey, two younger brothers who are the opposite of the ideal audience, which is helpful) or really, really don’t care (unless I’m telling my mom about some of the awful things that Meyer says, or awkward ideas in the text, like imprinting, after which I get a “wait, what?” and it’s funny).

But because my family has been volunteering at the local nonprofit theater for years and years, we get free movie tickets. The most recent movie, Eclipse, finally arrived here, so I thought I’d go see it, as it’s supposed to be the best of the movies. But I didn’t have any friends in town that weekend, at least not any I could get in touch with in time. Fortunately however, my youngest brother had just returned from working at camp, and he agreed to let me drag him to the movie, on the mutual terms that as soon as we thought of something amusing/irritating we could make fun of it at once. Also, I was not to tell other brother.


So, after getting distracted by my five other open tabs, where was I? Oh, yes. I very much enjoyed the movie, actually. Although I was a little disturbed that, though there weren’t very many people there, there were several pretty young kids. Which with some of the scenes in the movie made me uncomfortable. But hey, kids these days.

About the movie itself: the first thing I distinctly remember thinking was that Frost’s “Fire and Ice” did not deserve to be in this movie. Also, sparkles! I love those little rainbows. (What happened to them in that last scene?) Why would you hang out in a meadow like that? The whole time I was thinking of the stickers, and the bugs. I’m an indoor personality, I admit.

I already can’t think of any coherent way of putting this together, but I do remember specific instances, like when the werewolves came out (when they were still guys) and all I could think about was Spoony’s review of New Moon, the movie, and the homo-erotic undertones of their interactions. Again, haven’t seen that movie myself. But he makes a good case for it, especially when you consider Jacob really isn’t the ‘chosen one’. Except for the daughter. Anyway, while I’m not going to choose sides in that “Team So-and-So” thing, other than enjoying the Burger King commercials, I like the werewolves in the movie. They’re giant and cuddly! like great big stuffed animals! although I imagine the hip surgeries would get expensive and hard to explain (did you see the way they were walking?).

My brother and I decided that Bella and Edward were boring and irritating, but if the story had been about the other Cullen vampires, it would have been awesome. Like Jasper, the one with crazy eyes and Shakespearean hair, although his backstory didn’t make any sense. (Also, I’ve spent so much time of sites making fun of it that I know all the characters. It’s very sad.) And my brother couldn’t stand Charlie’s uniform, and spazzed every time he came on screen with it on.

Bella is horrible to the poor guy, but we both thought he was cool. And, at least in the books, everyone got mad when Jacob kissed (almost typed killed) Bella ‘against her will’, which is bad, as are all the stalker-ish things he says (you know, the same things Edward says). In the movie, though, it does show Bella as very much leading him on (or that’s how I saw it) and though I don’t want to stray into blame the victim territory, because she does push him away. Yay!

Of course then she breaks her hand on his face trying to punch him–which first of all was unnecessary, I mean, she pushed him off, she should have just left–and really, she breaks her hand? I think should ought to go to the hospital to find out if she has a bone condition, or maybe cancer. That’s a really worrying symptom. But it’s supposed to be LOLclumsy, so I had no trouble with everyone else making fun of her.

Except Ed of course, but heh. And, aside from that whole “I’d rather see you dead than undead” line, where I twitched a lot, I liked Jacob. He was just really really confused after what apparently happened in New Moon. And again, I appreciated any screen-time not devoted to Bella/Ed.

Then the tent scene, which was fun to watch with a boy scout, because apparently that’s a cold weather tent and it shouldn’t be much lower inside than 40F degrees, and he said she was in a 0-degree sleeping bag (or at least a 25 as he’s just informed me). So they were well-prepared. And Bella was just faking. Sporfle. Then they have the whole argument in which Ed reveals their engagement and Jake loses it, so Bella gets him to kiss her, and how awful was that? I felt so bad for him, although he does keep falling for it.

Then we get to the battle, which I liked, because it made me think of vampire movie!football and “GAP AD FORMATION”. They certainly didn’t seem to be accomplishing much other than knocking them over repeatedly until the wolves got there. And I don’t get how Jake got injured, because the vampires move too fast to make sense.

But poor pretty captured vampire. The one the ogre vampire killed because…? Well, I have no idea. But I guess the Cullens as a whole don’t care for anyone but Bella. (Which was admittedly demonstrated when they watched the national news and all the havoc being wrecked, knowing the problem early on and moving on with less than a shrug of the shoulders.) And when they agree to save the pretty little vampire, but just give her up to the red-eyed Sith–oh wait, Volturi, because what’s-her-name asked them to. Dakota Fanning. If it had been about her and the Riley gang, it would have been a cooler movie.

Well, in addition to everything else that would have made it a cooler movie, if a less funny one.


4 thoughts on “Fursplode

  1. I have to agree with this. I forced myself to read this stuff a few months ago just to see all the hype. I didn’t come into it hating it or wanting to hate it. It just happened.

    And btw, I thought I was the only person who thought Bella was leading Jacob in that business involving the kiss.

    Before I go on a full on rant I’m going to stop. Nice blog.

    • Hee 😉 Don’t blame you for having to stop, I’ve just started the first book, and I just half to talk about it once I get started, it’s so bad.

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